I was a fourteen year old junior in high school, significantly more advanced academically than socially, when I learned this principle for the first time. The wisdom of knowing when to appropriately apply it, however, has taken much longer to acquire. Regardless, it is an invaluable lesson that I’m happy I learned sooner rather than later, as it has enhanced my well-being and increased the amazing quotient (AQ) of my everyday life. I’ll share it with you in this, and possibly explore it further in my next few posts.

So what’s the principle? Let Go. I learned this from my initially confusing interactions with a friend–and I now use this term extremely loosely–who was initially kind, sweet and consistently friendly for the first 2 or 3 weeks of classes but rapidly became progressively cooler. Later she would almost magically appear only when I seemed to be the object of attention and disappear just before the last person in the group dispersed. That progressed into anxiously averting her gaze when we approached each other in the hall, despite her repeated “we have to have lunch/get together sometime” refrain in a group setting. It took 3 or 4 of these experiences before I decided to accept her obvious limitations, though I wasn’t sure what they were, and let go of the “friendship.” That meant I exited the spontaneous group interactions before she did, and I stopped participating in the charade of her superficial, meaningless banter and held steady, straightforward, unwavering gaze as I traversed the hall between classes. She’d never again have to be anxious about whether I saw her or not. I no longer did. Did she notice? I don’t know and, truthfully, I don’t really care so much about that. I didn’t stop liking her, far from it. I simply decided I preferred honest, meaningful interactions over farcical ones, and at that point in her life, she seemed incapable of maintaining that level or quality of relating with me. That was the first relationship I can recall consciously deciding to intentionally let go. It has been the first of many since then.

So many relationships are conceived and nurtured primarily by circumstances or situations–think college classes for example–that common sense easily and efficiently automates the letting go process, to ensure that our lives retain a minimum and manageable amount of social clutter. That is not the kind of letting go, I am mulling over here, though. This “Let Go” principle is for application to more significant, even habitual relationships that, unwelcome though it may be, seem to have reached an expiration date. Appropriate application of this principle requires work–taking inventory, introspection, possibly intervention and definitely intentionality. It is worthwhile work, however. Work that ultimately clarifies and, if done right, clears your social, professional and even emotional path to finding those relationships within which you can grow, make a difference and build amazing relationships everyday.